Living With Gratitude
Gratitude Overture
Living with gratitude increases happiness, relationship satisfaction, serenity, optimism, self-esteem, and many other facets of life.
Choosing to live with gratitude is one of those things they call a “no-brainer” (“they” being those ambiguous people that know things). Adopt gratitude and you can’t lose. Sounds pretty good, right?
Not if you hate yourself.
Insane in the Membrane
When you are insane and your life is out of control and you don’t know what you’re doing and you want to give up but people won’t let you give up and you start abusing the second-person narrative what are you supposed to do?
Obviously I tried giving up again. (I wouldn’t be insane if I didn’t try the same thing again. I wouldn’t be insane if I didn’t try the same thing again.) It was sort of shocking to stomach the realization that my brain was broken and a reclamation project was in order.
How do you go from insane in the membrane (insane in the brain) to…well, not? Insane thinking for me included but was not limited to:
- Anxiety/Fear
- Catastrophizing
- Depression
- Emotional Unavailability
- Perfectionism
- Pessimism
- Self-Blame & Self-Criticism
- Self-Centeredness
- Self-Doubt
Take a Ride
The bullets above construct the world’s most miserable merry-go-round. Take a ride:
I don’t like me life. I’m unhappy. I’m the worst person in the world and fail at everything. Everyone eventually will see how worthless I am, so I better work overtime to make sure I correct all my mistakes before they’re noticed. I should probably just withdraw so people won’t have as many chances to see me failing. I’m annoying anyway so if I stay away from people they won’t be as unhappy with me as when I force my presence on them.
Maybe I should change since what I’m doing isn’t working and I don’t enjoy anything. But what’s the point? It is fact that I fail at everything and am a burden on others. Facts don’t change. What I need to do is just be quiet and stop complaining about everything. I shouldn’t be happy anyway, I’m the worst remember? Being a friendless failure is what I deserve. I don’t like my life. I’m unhappy…
Unlike merry-go-rounds in real life, mental ones keep going even after you throw up all over yourself. You have to choose to get off, which is hard when you’re sick.
Mixed Metaphors: Farming and Computer Programming
Sane readers will have no trouble understanding that my harmful thoughts eventually spilled out and harmed others. Not that I noticed at first.
Early in the process I started refraining from destructive actions. And that was a positive thing! But it was just the beginning. The thoughts must be replaced.
If my thoughts were crops, I’d need to plant something else. If my thoughts were software, I’d need to update the code. If my thoughts were some other metaphor, I’d need to make some other adjustment relevant to the chosen scenario.
Fortunately, it is actually possible to change the human brain for the better. Scott Adams of Dilbert fame calls the brain a “moist computer.” Scientists call it neuroplasticity. I call it a miracle.
In any case, not only can thoughts be reprogrammed, but the physical structure of the brain itself can be upgraded to be healthier and happier through applied effort.
Gratitude Reprise
Enter gratitude, a crop rotation/software update/some other adjustment (depending on your preferred metaphor).
The fact is, most things are pretty good most of the time. Life is full of gifts that I ignored for a long time in favor of cultivating my own suffering.
Making a deliberate effort to view life with gratitude exhibits an almost unending parade of good things to appreciate. Wonderful people, inventions, and opportunities surround me.
Gratitude brings me back to what is important if my brain tries to start the negative feedback loop. Gratitude can overcome anxiety, end catastrophizing, and remind me that things are good.
What I’m worried about almost never happens. If it does, I can deal with it in a healthy and effective way. I can respond to situations with a mind like water: exactly the way the situation calls for.
What a blessing!
Facts vs. Not Facts
The miserable merry-go-round I described above is based on enough faulty logic for Aristotle to drive a truck through, if he were still alive and knew how to drive (Ancient Greece didn’t have Driver’s Ed).
Facts: I have food to eat, a roof over my head, enough money to live on, and people in my life that love me despite my flaws and mistakes. My health is good and I have enough intelligence to work and support myself and chip in for those less fortunate. I possess capabilities to learn, improve, make amends, and make other changes in my life to become better than I was yesterday. I can admit my mistakes and ask for help when I need it.
Not facts: I’m the worst person in the world. I fail at everything. I deserve to be lonely and unhappy. People don’t like me. I’m a burden. I should stay inside because I’m annoying and people don’t want to be around me. I mess everything up and will never be able to make amends for my mistakes.
Winning by Losing
The interesting thing about the defects of insane thinking is that nobody told me I had to pick them up, and no one is telling me I have to keep carrying them. I can drop them and live unencumbered. For many years I held on tightly to these defects; I’ve clung so long I’d forgotten I was holding them. I just started to assume they were part of me and was resigned that I’d never lose them.
Now, I know that’s not true. I can choose to be free. The only requirement is willingness.
The process of transforming my brain with gratitude is easier on some days than others. I’ve started the journey; I’ll probably never be fully “done.” But the willingness is there, and the gratitude I feel for the blessings in life is real and growing.
